The problem...For the last year or so I've been wary of giving myself that recharge period, certain that I only had another few weeks to write. So I wrote, and edited, ten to fifteen hours per day six days per week. Each month I found the money to continue through the next month, but always certain that my writing time was over. I pushed myself, forcing myself to keep going rather than allowing myself to recharge as I normally would have. Because I didn't have time. I had to get as much done as I could.
And I did. I have two books out, another fully edited (if I could figure out the cover art), I'm editing several more and writing two. And I haven't allowed myself to recharge. I figured this out, finally, when I sat staring at the computer screen and couldn't find words. Not just the right words--any words.
I'm empty. It's been close to six months since I recharged the last time and I just can't push the words out anymore. This isn't coming out right, which indicates just how bad the problem is.
I decided this morning to allow myself to recharge, but I can't. I'm sitting here reading one of my favorite books and my brain keeps insisting that I should be writing. I don't have time to sit here and read. I need to work. The same thing happened at my old job, when the work was more important than anything else. I went on vacations feeling guilty, came back with relief because I didn't need to feel guilty any more.
I hate that. I don't want that feeling in my writing. I don't want to look at it as a chore.
So I'll recharge, do what I want to do for a few days. My brain is screaming right now, trying to convince me that this is wrong, that I have to work, that if I stop writing the world will implode. Disaster will strike, I'll be behind and won't be able to meet my schedule...
Bleh. Shut up, brain. This is my toy, my playtime. Not yours.
Sometimes it is hard to take a step back. Congrats on all you've accomplished. Enjoy your recharge break!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. I started writing again yesterday and it feels GREAT!
DeleteYou've GOT to recharge... I've actually taken two months off... and it feels good. I think I'm ready to dive back in again... but I hear you... thanks for sharing, Lauren. I hope you can get that break you need!!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't usually have to recharge for more than two or three days. By the end of that time I'm raring to go again. This time it was more than a week.
DeleteRecharging is important. I've been doing some mindfulness meditation to help me recharge. Mainly it makes me mindful that whenever I sit down I get covered in cats and kittens looking for a place to sleep. ;)
ReplyDeleteAs I read that I was in the middle of a battle--my cat trying to get my computer off my lap so he can settle down. :)
DeleteI've gone through similar times. For me, it sometimes takes a while to unwind and relax again. It's like I've had a muscles clenched for too long and I can relax it. I'm starting a new lifestyle routine and part of it is that I have to read or watch part of a work of fiction everyday. It's crazy how much it recharges me! But it's hard to make it a priority and not feel like you are being lazy, you know?
ReplyDeleteYes, I know that one very well
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