Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Insecure Writers Support Group

First wednesday of the month, so today is IWSG!



Today is the kind of gray, slithy day (sort of brillig, you know?) that needs some hot chocolate and a fire. Preferably with marshmallows and wire hangars (remember those?).

I've been feeling rather insecure for a while now. I had my writing year, and for various reasons I decided not to look for another job yet. Now my savings are almost exhausted and I still don't have any income from my writing.

But I continue to feel that there's something out there for me. So I dither, and continue to write. I've set a limit for myself--I need to start looking for a job in January. I really don't want to go back to benefits administration, but that's what I know. I have no doubt that I could step back into that world and work there for the rest of my life.

I don't want to, but my brain (stupid thing) thinks that's the best option. Go with what you know.

But I want to write.

I've been considering self-publishing for a while now. I have stories I've never sent to a publisher or an agent (as useless as that's been) because they're too short. I still think of them as novels, but the world says otherwise.

Self-publishing is a massive step into the unknown. At this point it feels larger than the step of quitting my job to write, although that one felt overwhelming enough at the time.

I remember making the decision to quit my job, the hours of worrying and praying that went into that decision. At the end, it came down to one very basic decision--yes or no. Jump or don't jump.

I jumped. I made a decision that has been the best decision of my life to this point. So now it's time for another decision. Jump or don't. I can't have it both ways. Choosing not to make a choice is the same as choosing "no."

So I move one step at a time into the dark, praying that the ground will stay under my feet, and each time I take a step I can see just that little bit further into the dark.

And what I see scares me to death.



"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson
in Return to Love
Often mistakenly attributed to Nelson Mandela

12 comments:

  1. Giving up work was incredibly brave! Why don't you look at self-publishing if you don't feel your manuscripts are a good length? It seems that so many people are doing it and making sales. It could boost your confidence! There are some publishers out there, especially smaller ones who publish digitally, that will accept novella-type lengths. I think one of such is Vagabondage Press. Have you had a look at their site to see if it's suitable for what you write? You took a massive step in giving up work - why not take another one and submit anyway? x

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    1. I'm planning on it, but it's a huge step. It scares me, but that's no longer a reason not to do something.

      Lauren

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  2. Lauren, I'm kind of in the same place as you on all counts. I have some advice that may/may not be helpful. If you'd like you can email me at bethfred08(at)gmail.com.

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  3. You are an amazing writer, Lauren. Thank you for sharing that quote at the end, I've always loved it.

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    1. I usually try to avoid quotes, but it fits so perfectly.

      Lauren

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  4. Even if you go back to working at a regular job you can still keep writing and then when you publish enough you can stop working your desk job! Just a thought. Follow your instincts as long as you can and pursue all the avenues available! Best of luck to you.

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    Replies
    1. I'm thinking about something part time, actually. Just enough to pay the bills so I can continue writing.

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  5. You could try to publish those shorter novels as novellas. Many publishers are interested in them and you might surprise yourself if you try.

    I wish you the best of luck. Happy holidays and may 2013 bring you much success.

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  6. I have a job and and still write. It takes some negotiation with me and myself, and prioritizing things that I wish I didn't have to, but it is possible. Just keep your eye set on the goal and make happen what needs to for now. Good luck!

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    Replies
    1. I did that for 20 years, but I don't WANT to if there's another option.

      We'll see.

      Lauren

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  7. Wow, you've got guts. Congrats on your courage. I'm an indie. I made that decision in 2011 and I'm glad I did. Am I rich? No. Do I make a living? Not yet. But I love every second of it.

    Best on your steps and leaps.

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