Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

There is just something about writing. Lots of somethings, technically. And the odd thing is that I love most of it. Or maybe not odd. I've never been in anyone else's head, so I wouldn't know.

Putting words down, getting the stories out of my head that have been clamoring for attention for the last way-too-many years. Even the editing is fun. But sometimes I come up against a logjam known as "real life" and I have to pull back and take stock.

Two years ago I quit my job--two years ago August 5th. Somehow, miraculously the money that was intended to last me a year has lasted nearly two.

I've accomplished a great deal, but here I am at the crossroads that I never wanted to reach. Next week I start job hunting.

I've faced this decision every month since I hit my year mark--do I need to go back to work? And every month, with a great deal of divine help, I'm scraped together enough for the following month. Every time, the decision to stop writing and return to work has been accompanied by panic. This time I'm pretty calm. It doesn't exactly feel right, but it doesn't feel wrong either. So I'll carry it through.

But last night I was having dreams about trying to rescue kids who jumped from high places, being shoved into the oven (wicked witch style), watching superheroes die when it was my job to protect them and trying to educate women in a Moslem country. There's cooking, childcare, security and education. I guess my brain doesn't want to go into any of those fields, and I don't blame it. I don't either.

Nor do I want to go back to my old career, although I have an open invitation to return any time I like.

I guess I'll figure it out. Life is like that.

12 comments:

  1. Well, making one year last two is really impressive.

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  2. Crossroads are tough. I recently had to make the decision to go back to work for financial reasons. It is hard not having my whole day to dedicate to the craft, but it is teaching me better time management skills.

    Good luck and things will be awesome now matter which way you go! :)

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    1. I hope so. But progress, right? I've got two books out, two more scheduled (tentatively) and I've been working my butt off for two years.

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  3. Well, yes, there come a point when you HAVE to find work again, but if you haven't reached that point yet, then let the decision come organically. It should feel like the right thing to do. Not many have the luxury of being able to write full-time. If you're thrifty with your time, you can always fit an hour or two into your schedule to write, even when working. Only the most successful among us don't have day jobs!

    Great post! I'm one of Alex's July IWSG minions!

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    1. When I was working a full time job I was still writing several hours per day--before work, at breaks, after work and weekends.

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  4. It sounds as though you have the right attitude. I hope you find something that doesn't take up too much of you. Best of luck x

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    1. My old job did "take too much of me." I've learned that I can live on very little, so I'm hoping for something part time that will let me continue to write.

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  5. Best of luck on your decisions. I think you'll make the most out whatever you choose.

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  6. I am amazed by your perseverance! You are already succeeding at the "dream." I hope you are able to continue to pursue the dream while working. It sounds like you have met and surpassed similar challenges before!

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    1. I plan to. When they nail shut my coffin I'll be scribbling on the lid...

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