Sunday, July 15, 2012

What would you change?

Elliot Grace raised an interesting question in one of his blog posts. If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

Those who know me are aware that my life hasn't been the simplest journey. Putting it mildly. From the inside it was probably worse. And yet, when I read that simple question the first thing that popped into my head was "Nothing."

I wouldn't change anything. One of my characters says it best.

The Mancer's mouth tightened, her glance down at the other woman almost a glare. "She wants to keep the baby. She wants to raise it. It's not human, Merla." As if she needed to say that, with the child screaming its differences. The Mancer's voice was harsh, a deliberate slap. “Why didn't you just kill it earlier? She would never have known.”

Merla tipped her head up toward her teacher. She didn't always approve of what the woman did. "This has nothing to do with anything. It's her choice."

The Mancer glanced down at the woman, over at Esad. "Merla, you know what that child will endure. You lived it."

"Yes." Merla met her teacher's gaze directly. "And I wouldn't unlive it. If I could go back and change anything, I'd do it the same way." She hesitated. "I don't know how to explain it. I've learned things most people will never learn. I know her life will be hard in ways I've never experienced, but I can't take that chance away from her."

It wasn't anger, forcing its way out of her, but relief. "She'll have something I never had. She'll know why. Maybe it will be enough."

She couldn't look at Esad. The woman's fingers twined with hers. Merla looked down, squeezed back. Walked from the tent.

She sat in the dirt outside the tent with her arms around her knees until she heard the child cry.


  1. I agree with this, even mistakes in out lives shape us to be better people. I wouldn't change anything either :)

  2. Exactly. And you are write, she says it better than I could. I am all big birthday mile-stone/reflective, and it is true: I wouldn't change a thing.

  3. yep, I wouldn't change a thing either. Every experience we have shapes us into the people we are today.

  4. It still feels weird to think about it--at certain times I would have given just about anything to have my life be different. If I'd been able to change things I know I would have, but now...I would have missed out on so much.

    Comes with experience, I guess.

  5. I wouldn't have quit playing the violin.